January 2026
Last month I wrote about gratitude. (A pretty appropriate topic for Christmas time, right?) But now it’s January, and I’m finding that I’m still grappling with gratitude, though in a different sense. Certain times of the year take a lot out of us, the holidays being a case in point. The holidays also coincide with the end of the semester for me, which ends up being quite the double whammy.
Something that surprised me recently was the impact that feeling underappreciated had on me. I mean, it never feels good, but perhaps at times when expectations are high and we want things to be just so, the let down can be even more severe.
I’ll start off with work related things. As of late, I’ve had some very sweet students who wrote a note at the end of the semester, thanking me for teaching them and caring about them. I never expected them, but as notes started occurring with more regularity (maybe it was as I improved as a teacher, maybe it was luck of the draw with courteous students, or maybe a mixture of both), I suppose I unintentionally began to equate the end of the semester with at least a few thank yous to remind me to keep up the hard work and see the difference it makes. I didn’t realize this until someone acknowledged a gift they had received, which then got me thinking, “huh- nobody said thank you this semester.”
Feeling overlooked at work can happen from a variety of vantage points. A pain point can flair up from a lack of compensation or notice from supervisors, colleagues, clientele, or even the public.
Employment is one of those things that in some ways shouldn’t require appreciation – after all, I already get a paycheck. But at the same time, being thanked for going the extra mile is validating. I realized I had performed many of the same gestures I often do in addition to fulfilling my contracted role: I spent additional time giving feedback on their writing, brought snacks to class, tried to get to know students and show an interest in their lives, etc. But this time, few acknowledged this. Yet, amidst my feeling overlooked, the Lord sweetly brought to mind all the ways I am often the one forgetting to show gratitude.
I pray fervently for something but shortly upon the answered request, move on to asking for something else after the perfunctory thank you, if I remember to offer it at all. I feel gratefulness for what I have but can also allow myself to look at what others have, leading to discontentment. Unfortunately, I often enact the role of the healed lepers, joyous in our prosperity but neglectful in our appreciation.
After healing them from a life-threatening disease, Jesus had only one leper out of ten come back to thank him. According to Elizabeth Hagan, “[T]his one leper was the ONLY person in the entire gospel account that ever said thank you to Jesus. Though hard to believe, there was only one!/ Of course, Jesus said ‘thanks’ a lot. Thanking God for the blessing of food. Thanking God for God’s presence with him. Thanking God for the gift of his disciples. But, never, except this one account, do we hear of Jesus being thanked by anyone.”
“Jesus with the One Leper who Returned to Give Thanks” By William Brassey Hole
I don’t think most people, if confronted with our lack of words and actions to acknowledge our blessings, would deny their merit. But we all just get busy. Most college students are running on fumes and energy drinks at the end of the semester. Thinking back to my own tenure as a college student, much to my chagrin, I can’t remember writing a professor a thank you note. I would thank them before walking out after taking the final, but it never crossed my mind to write them a letter. Because it’s no longer developmentally appropriate, college students don’t have a conscientious parent involved in their academics, making sure their teachers feel appreciated and properly sugared and caffeinated to make it to the finish line.
If feeling taken for granted feels bad at work, it feels even worse at home, where our raw self is most on display. Last month I found myself disappointed more than once when I tried to guide my children in an Advent devotion only to have them be a distraction to themselves and others, certainly not grateful for the spiritual formation I was trying to cultivate.
Or there was that highly irritating night when Ben and I took the kids to a theme park with lights and holiday cheer abounding, only to have everyone take turns bickering and complaining about everything ranging from not getting to ride the ride they wanted to having to eat the lunch we packed to not staying until closing time.
In those moments when I am tempted to threaten to never take my children to do anything fun again due to their ingratitude, I am again prompted to think about the myriad of ways I can also take things for granted. Though my kids often thank me for dinner, when they don’t, they are only catching up with all the countless meals I ate without thanking my mom for making them.
Just the other day, I handed Ben a jar for him to open for me. I thanked him, but the truth is, I expected him, as my husband, to open it for me in the same way I assume he will replace the light bulbs and take the garbage bin to the curb, expecting a pretty good excuse if he, heaven forbid, happens to forget.
We are all a pretty entitled lot, aren’t we?
“It is better to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35)
This well-known verse has taken on a new meaning for me recently that extends beyond gift giving. I’m trying to be better about showing my gratitude. I’m trying to remember that saying thank you to another is better than being thanked. At the end of last semester, I did walk into my office the last day of finals to find a box filled with beautifully decorated, homemade Christmas cookies a student had made for me. Someone had remembered to say thank you. But even if she hadn’t, it would have been ok because my service to my students is an act of love regardless of whether they receive it and appreciate it as such. Similarly, attending to the mounds of dishes and laundry is an act of love to my family regardless of whether they notice.
In feeling a little underappreciated, it reminded me of the thank yous I needed to pass on to others, some of which were long overdue. It also reminded me that not everyone expresses gratitude in the same way. The sticky hugs from my son are often his way of saying thank you, and to my college students, the quick email or positive course evaluation may be just as heartfelt as the handwritten notes I so value.
For those of us who are parents, I would suggest that our goal regarding this topic is two-fold. We need to teach our children gratitude. They must be taught how to appreciate the time, energy, and money others spend on them and learn how to convey their appreciation. Having them write thank you notes and vocalize their appreciation while looking the person in the eye is important.
But the second way we can teach gratitude is simply by modeling it. We can thank them for doing their chores even though it is their “job” to do them. We can emulate gratitude for others even when they do things that fall within their “job description”: sharing our appreciation for the time our pastor spent preparing his sermon, the effort the office manager spent organizing the supply room, and the patience our spouse displayed playing a math game with our child.
I said our goal is two-fold, but maybe there is actually a third. While learning how to be thankful is significant, maybe learning how to be ok without man’s accolades is also important. (As you know from my earlier confession, I’m still working on this one.) Matthew 6:4 talks about giving with humility and discretion, saying that “then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” Though the verse refers specifically to monetary giving, perhaps we could consider the variety of gifts that we give, including our talents, intentions, and homemaking, for which it would be nice to be acknowledged. If my success regarding these gifts is based on human validation, I will be disappointed. But if I recognize that my offerings are seen and valued by God regardless of how others perceive them, I am free from relying on being noticed.
Gretchen Rubin said, “Being taken for granted is an unpleasant but sincere form of praise. Ironically, the more reliable you are and the less you complain, the more likely you are to be taken for granted.”
A thank you may be more likely for a grand gesture or one time of spoiling than for habitual actions everybody just comes to expect. But this does not reduce the importance of the act of service.
I’m not really into New Year’s resolutions. Every day is as fresh an opportunity as a new year. But one resolve I have, which does coincide with the beginning of 2026, is to care less about whether people notice and thank me for what I do. It is enough that He sees. Also, I want to be the one to notice. I want to say thank you for setting the table without being asked, for coming to class a few minutes early after a stint of tardiness, for inviting my child, for staying to clean up, and for all the other host of little and big things.
I also want to thank you, reader, for taking the time to read this. Whether you’ve been following me since the beginning or this is your first time,
